Prescription: Thirteen "Medications" to Surviving a Doctorate

About a week and a half ago, I posted a photo on Facebook that depicted the final item which I had to do for my doctoral degree. I had a short harpsichord jury to complete, and afterwards, my friend Mary took this picture. 

PHOTO: Mary Holzhauer (one of many great doctoral partners-in-crime!)

Amongst the many comments and congratulations received on Facebook (posting news like this is one of the only merits of Facebook, I have come to believe), I received one question. This question was,

"What´s your musical prescription to survive a doctorate sane?”

A very good question.

I started thinking about it. 

I reflected upon what kept me going (sometimes there were several things). I reflected upon the very difficult times (moving here, starting the degree, making friends, feeling lonely, pressure, deadlines) and the very happy times (sharing a stage with some amazing people, travel, deepening my abilities, receiving recognition for something hard-earned). 

And here, very much in my order, are my thirteen “prescriptions” for surviving a doctorate. 

1. Go to bed by midnight. 
2. Don’t compare yourself to others.
3. Cultivate relationships with faculty and peers in your program and at your school (or at conferences, festivals, etc.).
4. Cultivate and nurture relationships with family, friends, and significant others outside of your degree, geographical location, and area(s) of interest or study.
5. Schedule your nervous breakdowns. 
6. Vent, in moderation, and with great caution and discretion.
7. Kitchen timers are magical.
8. Get an “A” in two things at a time. C’s are fine for the rest.
9. Keep tabs on your savings, checking, student loans, and credit cards.
10. Celebrate when necessary. 
11. Find a mentor. Lean in. Check in.
12. Be stubborn. Be flexible. Know when to toggle between the two.
13. Go very, very, far away when you can. 

I will be expanding each one of these points into essays all on their own. It's been something I've wanted to do for a long while, and if it can help the next generation of soon-to-be graduates, or even people contemplating their terminal degrees, then it will have served its purpose. 

The colors of "passage" ...

"There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation and hard work, learning from failure.” - Colin Powell

I am happy to report that I have passed my oral comprehensive exams. These happened at Eastman last week - I had a committee of four ‘doctors.' For the most part, it was a conversation about music. It encompassed score-identification (Scriabin solo piece), theoretical discussions, historical backgrounds, and pedagogical possibilities. 

While it was a rite of passage, it also felt like the beginning of a good-bye. This brought about, surprisingly, mixed emotions. The let-down, or the relief, after several months of intense preparation, was also very real. 

Two days after, I left Rochester, for my second journey back Stevens Point, Wisconsin. I'm here now for the final rehearsals and performances of "American Opera Triptych." 

This photo brings so many aspects together of what artists need, to prepare a performance, exam or opera. Everything needs different shapes, dimensions, sizes, and colors - just like the departments of an opera (direction, music, set, costumes, lights) or the facets of a complete artist (technique, sound, vision, communication, teaching, writing). The photo is from my bridal bouquet.

This calls for celebration ...

Since my last post, I have received positive news that I can share …

I passed my written comprehensive doctoral exam! 

This exam was such a monster, and I am so happy to have this portion behind me. My next portion is on March 25th, the Oral Exam. My father says, “you have the gift of gab, so you will be fine!” 

The next weeks will be spent preparing for things I might have to argue or talk about - piano, language, conducting, poetry, song, opera, chamber music. I can live happily if I get to put more studying into these matters.

I saw Charity, my maid-of-honor, on Friday, for a celebratory glass of wine on my way home teaching in Ithaca. And today, my newest batch of Nespresso pods arrived. 

(Heaven in a small cup).

Things are looking up.

The end of a "break," and a second Whole-30

After the comps, I deliberately took 2 weeks off of blogging. 

They were everything that you'd expect this exam to be at a place like Eastman. Immensely comprehensive, detail-oriented, wide-ranging. Did I mention that it was two consecutive days of 8 hours-per-day typing in the computer lab? 

(We are still waiting to hear the results).

January, as I've discussed on this blog, was a 30-day time of "no sugar, no sweets, Whole-30." It was one of the best things I could have done. Sweet "no-nos" no longer are as appealing, and when I do indulge, it is one of great moderation and reward. On Valentines' Day, Zheng and I had a little bit of port and one square each of Ghiradelli Sea Salt chocolate. Great indulgence, and it was different than eating an entire piece of cake. Equal praise can be bestowed upon an outing in Philadelphia with a dear friend, to "Tria" wine bar. Treats with gorgonzola and brie, paired with two glasses of Spanish wine, was delightful. I'm still savoring it.

February, I've decided, is another month of "no." What hits the chopping block this month?

Facebook.

I'm on Day "3" of the fast, and my husband has already noticed a difference in my personality. I'm less distracted, and I'm also less prone to travel the "Oh-my-goodness-x-person-just-got-a-job-and-I-want-a-real-job-..." path. Ignorance is bliss. I know plenty of people that live without the Facebook culture, and they are some of the happiest people I know. I have kept on my phone the "Messenger" app, which has never caused angst. (It's just like another email address). And I won't delete the account because I've stored photo albums from travel over the past few years that are really work keeping up. 

Other than that, birthdays download to my calendar, so I won't miss them. The ones for which "real" cards must be sent will still happen. Small electronic messages not getting sent anymore - that's alright with me. 

(I might check again on my birthday, however. That's not for another four months).  

PHOTOS: are from our Valentines' celebration. We would like to wish everyone a great (if not late) Chinese New Year and Valentines' Day!

In search of egg-cellence

Welcome to tech week, and to several countdowns:

3.5 days until opening night

5.5 days until the end of my Whole-30

6.5 days until Comps, Day 1

7.5 days until Comps, Day 2

8 days and 2 hours until Comps are over.

The show is going well. Yesterday was the long day - orchestra rehearsals in the morning and afternoon, plus piano dress in the evening. I felt great about the piano dress, and what's more, the orchestra didn't need a lot from me in terms of note-taking. 

So I used the time, and some time over the breaks, to FINISH outlining and writing down EVERY TERM from the Grout-Palisca, "A History of Western Music." I had been given this textbook as a gift for my high school graduation. It's getting a little worse-for-wear, but it held up. 

I am starting to feel like I am reaping the benefits of Whole-30-Paleo. I love how my clothes fit and how much strength and energy I feel that I have these days. Also, being on this restriction has kept me from stress-eating. Snacks are a lot of oranges and apples.

The hotel that we are staying in is absolutely lovely. Very quiet, cute decorations, nice en-suite microwaves and refrigerators. 

My normal routine when traveling is to unpack if I am staying longer than 24 hours. I have basically left things in bags, which will make an early check-out tomorrow easier. I travel tomorrow again to Ithaca to teach. I haven't been there since December. Here's to hoping that the weather cooperates. 

My one gripe with the hotel is that the eggs at breakfast are WRETCHED. Eggs are a major staple of Whole-30-Paleo, so I rely on them often for breakfast. 

This week, I have been getting down to breakfast before it closes, grabbing some sausage, and then going back to my room.

Behold, my egg poacher! 

And its progeny!

This is true egg-cellence. I will never travel without this again.

"Songs of Travel" turns 100 posts!

Greetings again from the *extremely cold" snap we are having in W-CNY! (That''s Western-Central New York to those of you who don't know the abbreviation.)

Two weeks from now, my comprehensives will be finished. Later today, I will post again the list of possible "big-topic" essays that might be on it. I had a great chat with PP yesterday about the scope of this exam. He assured me that I will do "very well." I just have to keep going at this point. It is an endurance test, after all.

I am thrilled that I've been able to stick with this blog for this long. I had started one about ten years ago, prior to usability ease and ability to label or post photos without a problem. 

Someone asked recently, "how do I have time to write so much." It's not a lot, actually. "Much" would be what I am thinking about writing, about learning twentieth-century vocal repertoire, or my own techniques that I have found in coaching throughout the years. For me, it is a need to communicate. 

Another "need" that I've been realizing that I have is a desire to be an educator, even on a project that is in the "professional" realm. There seems to be a large divide between "music making in academia" and "music making in the real world." This divide is sad to me. I have encountered equal amounts of bliss and frustration with both fields. 

I've been talking to the conductor on this project about how much we love teaching (we both teach at the same school). And it made me realize, that whether I am working with a freshman on basic Italian, or with a managed artist on (her) role for the first time, I am a very happy teacher. I like feeling like I can make a difference. 

Tonight, I have an interesting task ahead. My job is to help our speaker in our current production carry his voice more, more like an orator. His roles are written with underscoring (this means spoken dialogue or text over an accompaniment. This also means that the text has to be timed, in general, with the accompanying music. This happens a lot starting in late nineteenth-century French opera, such as Massenet's Manon. This writing techique is employed a lot in the twentieth century by Britten and Sondheim). Another challenge is that the text is in surrealiist-symbolist Spanish, and not only that, in the "lunfardo" dialect. This implies that consonant clusters in Spanish do different things phoenetically. ( ll = [d3] ), for example. Arrgentinian Spanish has different pronunciation than standard Mexican or European Spanish. (These are the things that I'm learning on the job!).

I will resume studying at this point. I will leave you with this lovely photo that I found online. It is me with Syracuse Opera's last production lead, "Carmen" (sung very colorfully by OR). I really enjoyed working with that cast and of course, on that wonderful music. 

PHOTO: Ola Rafalo and I work on some French and interpretation together at the piano, before rehearsal starts. 

Ferrer, Rococo, and Tango

Greetings, everyone!

I am working on a few things while in Syracuse:

1) Maria de Buenos Aires. The music is really fun, enchanting, powerful, and spiritual. This operita (small opera in Spanish) is tango-based, but it also includes the milonga, habanera, and different kinds of waltzes. The poetry-libretto is by Horacio Ferrer, a Uruguayan poet-librettist who worked closely with the composer. In fact, he appeared as the role of the poet-speaker El Duende in the premiere of his own opera. 

What would I give to go back in time and see daPonte play, for example, Don Curzio in La nozze di Figaro? Or see Hoffmannstaal play a small role in one of his libretti for Richard Strauss? 

This piece was written in the 1960s. Piazzolla died in the 90s, but the librettist is still alive. 

The poetry is dark, surrealist-symbolist. Very evocative. It leaves a lot of room for interpretation.

2) Comps study for Eastman. Today's order - I'm through the Baroque Titans (Handel, J.S. Bach, Vivaldi) and the demi-Gods (Rameau, Couperin, de la Guerre, Steffani, Mattheson, Graupner, Telemann). On to the progeny of J.S. Bach, through the double-edged sword of stile galant and Empfindsamer stil. By day's end, I should be at the Eszterhazy palace.

3) Staying in touch with Zheng. He came and stayed over the night before last (he had the day off on Wednesday). He loves where I'm staying, especially with the king-sized bed and the HD Cable of Animal Planet. (My husband is happy with the simple things, one of the many reasons why he's wonderful). We trekked to Wegman's and picked up some essentials for hotel-microwave-refrigerator-healthy-eating-Paleo-Whole30. Since Syracuse is only 75 miles away, I am able to see him once or twice a week. The fact that it's winter here in the Finger-Great-Lakes and that my rehearsals go until 11pm means that I need to stay put, mostly. That being said, travel in the professional performing arts is a big deal, especially for newly married couples. The work is in the perfect location, at the perfect time.

PHOTO: A "special breakfast," which I did before leaving - with our youngest kitty trying to eat part of it ... 

A Shot in the Arm

Greetings from Rochester, where we are knee-deep in:

(1) no(!) snow - at the moment

(2) comps preparation

(3) preparation for Syracuse Opera (my next production begins rehearsals this Wednesday)

(4) Paleo-Whole30 lifestyle, including cooking and eating cleanly, and abstaining from old habits. Like "no Java's cookies." (Java's is a coffee shop with FANTASTIC large cookies that I frequently bought and ate during my entire degree. Sometimes they were lunch, and in my defense, I would often by them, eat HALF, and save the other half at least until after a gym visit.) Whatever. That is over now, and I am on Day 8 of Paleo-Whole30. It is great.

(5) ongoing preparation of Zheng's immigration process. This includes the joy of getting testing for him of tuberculosis and syphillis, in addition to translating and certifying Chinese immunization records. We had a lot of good laughs about what diseases where called, what the symptoms were, and how you got them. 

We also got a great laugh at Walgreens, when Zheng had to get a flu shot (and then get proof that he got one).

WaW (Woman at Walgreens): Can I help you?

ZY: I would like to get a flu shot, please.

WaW: Well, what dosage?

ZY: What do you mean? It's just for me.

WaW: Are you over 18?

[insert erupting laughter from KDY and ZY here)

ZY: Here's my driver's license.

WaW: Oh (blushes). Well, then the normal adult dosage.

Good humor is sometimes just the "shot in the arm" that we need.

PHOTO: Sweet potato hash browns with fried eggs. Putting some new recipes, and our WONDERFUL double-sided Crate and Barrel griddle to good use!

"Quit" is a four-letter word (Perseverance, Part 5)

I had wondered, BEFORE starting the doctorate:

"Why do people quit so close to the end?"

Because it is very, very hard. Steven Pressfield says that it is "Resistance" that gets in the way. Fourth-century monastic blames the "noonday devil." Marital counselors speak of the "seven-year itch." 

So now, I am facing comps - (three weeks away from next Tuesday).

I need to just keep doing what I'm doing. Taking careful notes, reviewing, paying attention to things that 'might be tested.' A lot of the Eastman professor have geared assignments or exams to this final comprehensive exam, so I've had vaccine boosters already.

And like everything else that we're trained to do, it's a performance. My mom remarked how calm I was on my wedding day. The performance instinct kicks in. It's the result of years of training.

I will leave you with a quote of the late, great Nelson Mandela:

"It always seems impossible until it's done." 

PHOTO: One of my two (very loyal) study-buddies!

Laboring on Labor Day

And, just like that, August ended. How? How is it possible? 

Since today is arguably the last "lazy day" I will get in a long while, we rested this morning and then spent sometime together talking to one of my dearest friends, who lives in Italy. We had "coffee" together. Lunch was a feast, and then Zheng and I spent much of Labor Day working on our websites. Mine is now live, which is so exciting! 

www.kristinditlow.com 

It will need endless tweaking and updating, but I will be able to do that myself! Zheng is working on his website. He is adding his own (very sophisticated) creative eye to the process. I will let you know the site address when it is live.

Despite anticipating a very busy and lively fall (new jobs, planning a wedding, and possibly dealing with job applications), my overall attitude is one of sincere gratitude. I am so lucky to be starting two new jobs (one with Syracuse Opera and the other at Ithaca College). I am delighted to have work at all, much less work that is exciting and that will hopefully bear even more fruit. 

I have been reading a lot about the holiness of work. 

As a recovering workaholic, who neither no longer wishes to dwell there, nor visit this tendency on any other human being, I realize that there were long parts of my twenties where my work was not connected to anything holy. In fact, some of the reasons to work were selfish. These reasons were connected to ego, money, or experience. 

The Eastman doctorate completely changed this. It was particularly working with Dr. Barr that really made the change, where you are working for the sake of excellence, because the music demands and deserves it. 

Author Dan Lord, in his book, "Choosing Joy," says that "If we are going to have and display joy, we must not allow ourselves to become anxious." 

Since I feel that September is the real start of the year (who chose January, anyway?), this will be my September Resolution. It will be to keep the anxiety at bay. It will be to work because of the quality it will bring to myself and others. 

John O'Donahue writes so beautifully, "For Work":

"May the light of your soul bless your work with love and warmth of heart ... 

May your work never exhaust you ... 

May your soul calm, console, and renew you."

Friends and readers, I bid you a delicious September, and exciting, inspirational work.

PHOTOS: Are in honor of the Federal Holiday, and also, for a sunset on a magnificent summer.

The Magic Number

A recent decision to invest more time into studying for the comprehensive exams (us folk at Eastman call them "comps") has been really great. All of the sudden, I feel like I can breathe again and not feel compelled to study every second (amidst already a pretty busy schedule).

During my time of getting my Masters' Degree, I learned that my teacher at the time had a "magic number". That number was six. The number stands for the amount of projects you can handle at a given time. Six is not my number. Neither is 5,4, or 3.

It's a Big 2.

So about a week ago I was trying to figure out how to take comps (and study for them), take classes, assist on a huge opera, and apply for jobs for next year. Couldn't do it. So, I think I'm getting wiser in my old age.

I obeyed my number (which I honestly unearthed only after last semester! ... late bloomer, I suppose). And I am reaping the benefits of it now.

My cat also approves of my decision.

Perseverance, part 2

 Hello everyone,

I have realized over this beautiful, lazy winter day that perseverance still follows me (let's hope I still follow it!) in 2013.  One of the adventures which have been part of the Eastman experience is my time on the podium.  Here is a glimpse of what I did this past Tuesday. (You can click the link to see it.).

This week also brought a terrific realization about the limits of even the greatest perseverance.  Doing everything, everyday, at once, is not persistence.  It's insanity.  Trying to accomplish courses, assistant conducting an opera, doctoral comprehensive exams, and job auditions in the same semester is a little insane.  So - I am being more humane to myself and extending - humanly only - my time in Rochester.  I want to really finish the doctorate well, and take the next steps in a way that is reflective to who I am (and who I have become as a result of Eastman). 

Conducting used to really scare me.  Me against all those other people, who make a lot of noise, and I'm used to controlling everything with my hands.  Now, it is less scary.  It's been a good week for "process."  I've been keeping at it.  It's gradually gotten easier.

When I first looked at a conductor's score, I was in awe, but it also felt oddly natural.  As I'm studying, part of the process is like taking apart one of these amazing sculptures.  How are these Chihuly installations attached, anyway?  It's similar to gestures or counterpoint in a lot of music.   Figure out the thread, and you've got a work of art.

Diary of a Composer

I often advocate to my clients of the vocal persuasion that they "write a diary" of their characters, operas, songs, recitals.  I received further inspiration from a beloved Eastman professor (Prof. CW) to "draw my recital."

The advice to draw preceded the happy day in March, 2012, when I brought home my D-SLR camera (Nikon, d5100).  That has been such a source of joy and fun for me.  I couldn't have imagined the "songs" from traveling which I recorded in Europe or Asia in 2012. 

In light of my upcoming lecture recital, here is my imaginary diary of Bartók writing Opus 16.  (Obviously, he would have written this in Hungarian.  This is how it would be in English, in my imagination).  The photo is from his house in Budapest. 
 
"Whoa ... recovering from a heavy ghoulash meal and now am sitting down to set the third piece, "The bed calling," of these Ady poems.  I hope that I can do the text justice ... for my dear Endre was (relatively) happy with the first two settings.

This third one is so problematic.  I really want to structure the climax in a particular place, but, the word repetition in the poem is difficult to grapple with.

I wonder what he would think if I removed some of the words.  All the words will still be present.  Just, the repetition is troubling me so ..."

Maybe I will address this tomorrow.

- BB

(Come to hear this, along with Ady's other remarkable poems, Saturday, January 26, Ciminelli Lounge, 1:30 PM).